I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
