wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
