your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize