Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
