Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
