I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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