Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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