I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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