I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
