She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
