...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The ass gains better be worth it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
