you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
