i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
