how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
