Don't you send me to vm
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
