did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
