need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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