Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize