i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
