I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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