So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
