Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
