Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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