I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
