Can Purell be used as lube?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
