Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
