She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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