My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
