me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
