i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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