She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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