i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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