Dual....:-)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize