when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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