My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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