Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
