Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
