This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
