At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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