Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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