we're chasing vodka with high fives
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
