Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize