You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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