I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
