i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
