dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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