Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
