I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
