I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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