When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
