ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
