your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
