So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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