oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
