Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
