he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
