the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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