I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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